Silly, witty one liners page
Here are some of my fave collected one liners I've been posting on Facebook and Twitter. Feel free to return any time, as I regularly update with new one liners. Enjoy the jokes folks!
My Ramus Family tree
This page is for the continued updating of my Sephardic family tree information.
The Ring Master & John William Godward
This is the story of the late Victorian, early Edwardian world of art dealing, and the link between William Walker Sampson, leader of the biggest art cartel of the time, and a painter whose style was being eclipsed by the emergence of the likes of Picasso
A short sharp rant
Footballers, Bankers, celebs, and Super Injunctions
I don't know about you lot reading this, but I'm right royally pissed off at having to hear how the banking sector believe we're lucky to have their income creating revenue after they have systematically taken the people of this country to the fucking cleaners, only to be bailed out by our government, which effectively means us. Isn't that a bit like a mugger demanding his victim compensate him for getting caught?. Gordon Brown recently admitted to a fee paying audience that he had been mistaken in deregulating the banks when in fact he should have been imposing greater regulation, which would at the very least lessened greatly the overall effects of the global recession. Some ex bankers have written to distance themselves from the investment bankers, likening them to barrow boys, or spivs, in the way that they have absolutely no morals or scruples in how they go about making money. Debt has always incurred the highest interest, so it was only a matter of time before some of these unscrupulous spivs found a way to wrap up the debt in a way that they could then sell it on as an asset, Credit Default Swap was the American term for it I believe. So once the regulations were relaxed enough for them to be able to get away with it, off they went, and curiously enough at the same time it started getting easier for the man or woman in the street to get credit, whether they could afford to repay it or not. When I went to get a mortgage with a mate of mine in 1988, one of us could get one and a half times his yearly wage, while the other was allowed just one times his yearly wage, and that was still only for a 95% mortgage, by the time the financial meltdown was upon us people were being allowed up to 5 times their salary for a 100% mortgage, bloody madness.
No bankers are worth millions of pounds, either in bonuses or wages, much like no footballers are worth the obscene wages they demand, and what about the businessmen that manage to amass fortunes built on empires of debt, I really can't get my head around that one. When you look at how much filthy lucre is out there, at the same time as there is so much desperate poverty around the world it makes me sick. Something like 95% of the worlds wealth in the hands of 5% of its population is a disgrace, not that I see it changing mind you, wealth like that exerts huge influence over politicians and governments through lobbyists in the corridors of power. So regardless who you vote for, they'll all be bending over to receive when the big money men come calling.
And now, rather tellingly I think, we have the media filled with stories of some of these very rich individuals applying for so called 'Super Injunctions', to stop any reporting of their 'misdeeds', a story in itself to confirm my already held beliefs that there exists a different kind of law for the filthy rich to that which the rest of us can 'afford'. These super-injunctions allow the wealthy to decide what the media can cover, which effectively means the rich can gag the free media whenever they feel like it, at a cost of anything from £30,000 to £50,000 upwards, somewhat out of reach of your average citizen. Hence you have the likes of Imogen Thomas, the ex Miss Wales, and Helen Wood, who made the papers for a tryst with Wayne Rooney, having their names reported all over the media without being allowed themselves to even mention the alleged miscreants, ( 'Ryan Giggs and Hugh Bonneville' if some 'Twitterers' are to be believed), with whom they are reported to have been involved with.
Ian Hislop recently challenged the right of Andrew Marr to maintain his anonymity with the aid of a Super Injunction, Marr himself supposedly renowned for bringing politicians to book for their indiscretions, only to prove himself the ultimate hypocrite by trying to stop the release of details concerning his own out of wedlock liaisons with another political journo. Indeed if he had a bigger war chest, it is entirely possible Hislop would take great delight in chasing all of these super rich hypocrites through the courts in an attempt to force this ridiculous situation out into the open properly, but it's just too expensive. Fred Goodwin had the audacity to get a Super Injunction which, (allegedly), prevented the press calling him a banker, perhaps he was thinking rhyming slang when he dipped into his expansive wallet for that one. Clearly upset at having been villified for his part in the banking crisis, and the near collapse of the British economy, he decides to shell out, what to him would be a drop in the ocean, to stop his story, (whatever that may be), making it to press.
Legal eagles are already rounding on the cyber world, Mark Stephens, a media lawyer saying of those responsible for the 'outing' of the celebrities that believe they should remain above the law, "They are clearly in contempt of court, clearly these celebrities are not going to take this lying down", and of the individual Twitter author from who these names were revealed, "When he gets a knock on the door I very strongly advise he takes a toothbrush with him".
Regardless of what anyone thinks about the cases pending, if it's only the rich that can afford the luxury of such injunctions, then it is devisive in the extreme, and these wealthy defendants can hardly expect much in the way of pity or understanding from the average citizen. But then in fairness, has it ever been any different, wealth has always bought a different standard of legal representation, as well as the best accountants to hang on to those riches, and they have proved they will fight not just to hang on to it and live as they please, but to stop your average person ever finding out about it.
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As was recently pointed out by my friend Timmy, can it really be December with all this glorious sunshine and warmth?. Yep! Dog walkings a delight on days such as these, sea calm as a mill pond, barely a breath of wind, and a general feel of cool serenity amidst the mayhem leaping out from the daily newspapers telling us all to hit the panic button. Ive come to look upon the dog walks as my moments of meditation, a chance to breathe deep the ocean breeze, listen to the orchestral manoeuvres of the tide breaking on the beach, and smile as Aero chases any birds that dont move quick enough for her liking. Aero, like any chocolate brown Labrador Ive met so far, is quite the most stupid animal when it comes to affairs of the stomach, they will eat, it seems, absolutely anything, so dog walking on a beach can be a fraught business, with eyes of a hawk necessary to keep the daft hound from devouring any decaying remains washed up by the latest tide that she can sniff out with those great flapping jowls of hers, or even worse, rolling in it. Dont get me wrong, shes daft, but not stupid, well not completely anyway, she knows everyones role in her day, when she should be fed or walked, and whose job it is, and not averse to prompting you if she thinks youre dallying a little too much in her opinion, first with a gentle nose nudge, increasing in intensity as she decides you need extra persuasion, and all the time hitting on you with those forlorn looking big brown eyes, trying her hardest to look as if shes been woefully neglected. Shell also try desperately to convince the very next person she sees after having been fed, that she hasnt in fact, thus on some occasions securing a second round of scoff. She would Im quite sure, eat herself to death without pausing for breath given half the chance.
Ponzi have you heard yet? I note its gathering momentum in the news, and who knows how far this net has been cast, and just how far down the food chain will its effects be felt. It feels a bit like a financial tsunami has hit us this year, with so much devastation that your senses become dulled to it after a while, they call it compassion fatigue in war time or environmental disasters, when you find yourself almost immune to caring as you struggle to take it all in. Although this is a financial situation, and not a natural disaster, the repercussions for many will be devastating in the long term, and now it appears that the people right at the top of the financial food chain have been some of the most gullible! So who are the experts in the world of finance then?, from where Im sitting there is no such thing, and we, the bottom dwellers, have to ride it out just hoping the madness comes to an end while still able to afford a roof over our heads. I think the whole system we live by wants overhauling, starting off with the politicians, theyre supposed to be our representatives, not corporate lapdogs, big business should not be allowed such a strangle hold over economies via politicians. Really I think for the moment, as far as our leaders are concerned, my blog of 28-11-08 still stands, basically I detest politicians.(and financial experts)
Iraqi throws his shoes at Bush on Baghdad visit, good effort, but not quite good enough. Shame they werent shoe bombs, and even bigger shame they didnt find their target!, but the story made me smile at least. Just as the moron prepares to spew his lying shit forth once more, the Iraqi journalist hurls his footwear and shouts- it is the farewell kiss, you dog- undoubtedly an insult par excellence in arab circles, but I think we can all get the picture. Maybe one day if were lucky well get to see a shoe connect, hopefully with a foot still in it! George Bush= lying, low life,murdering bastard.
Right, nuffa that. Shitmas is stretching its bony fingers around the end of year, ready to throttle the life out of our wallets, and irritate us with a collection of hideous yuletide tunes droning through the radio and out of shop doorways. I wandered into Woolworths to see if there were any bargains to be had, but soon realised why I dont normally go in there, its full of shyte, tacky shyte at that, made me wonder how its survived as long as it has really. Personally, I think there are gonna be much more bargains come the new year, they know people are out getting Shitmas prezzies at the mo, but in 2009 theyll be getting quite desperate to encourage customers through their doors and get some much needed dosh in the tills. Word out there is that B and Q might be next under the guillotine, so check them out in January for some spectacular price cuts (maybe!), I have my eye on some cordless tools, so patience is the word of the minute.
Ponzi, this is a word youre all gonna be hearing a lot of in the coming days, its a scam thats taken in a lot of hugely wealthy punters that ought to have known better, and a geezer called Bernard Madoff is the perpetrator of the sting, a sting I might add, that has been running for decades apparently. Basically he conned some seriously wealthy fools from the finance industry (would you believe it!) into investing with him, while never giving any real information as to where the moneys going, but meanwhile paying them regular 10% payments out of the fresh investments from the newest suckers hed lured into his operation, these new investors doubtless taken in by his impressive looking client base. As a scam, it isnt that different to any other, it works as a direct result of peoples own greed, the old something for nothing syndrome, except this time those of us that actually have to work manually to earn our crust can afford a little wry smile at the expense of this lofty elite that have just been scammed. They had so much yet still wanted more, and their greed became their downfall.
An old mate came down to visit this week, and as we got talking it dawned on us just how much shit we all put up with everyday from the world were surrounded by. For years me and Jim would rant and rave at work against the injustices we perceived being carried out while we stood impotently by, daily screaming abuse at the papers and radio as yet another politician fucks things up for us only to be sidelined until the dust had settled, but without any real penalty against them. And regularly wed have to listen as our uninterested workmates would mumble here they go again, not wanting to know or care about the shithouse state of affairs their so called leaders are dropping us all into.
Well now its there for everyone to see, all those years of letting these self serving power freaks carry on doing nothing more than looking out for themselves, pensions down the toilet, education and health service gone in the same direction, the justice system being called to the tune of the populist politicians guided by whatever the red top rags are running as their latest story. So now, when finally the shit has really hit the fan, apparently the very twats that got us in this mire are ideally placed and just the right people to get us out of it!!.
Not content with the fact that the financial world has proved beyond doubt that it didnt have a clue that this debt mountain was going to come back and bite everyone but them in the arse, the governments of the world have now decided that the very course of action that brought us here, is also their plan for getting us out of it, pile on the debt, encourage people to borrow and spend our way out of the shyte, try and force the institutions to lend to each other, and us, and hey presto everythingll be rosy again. Bollocks!
Meanwhile, bailing out one deservedly failed institution after another, increasing national debts to a level that only our Grand Children will fully realise, all with the same lack of knowledge of the situation they had before they even knew we had a problem. It makes you want to shout, scream, punch, kick, and generally wish you could just get your hands round the perpetrators necks for a second or two. But of course, as they live in such lavish gated areas surrounded by 24 hour security, you can be sure wed never be able to get close enough to see where their Golden Parachute landed to batter them.
Tony fuckin Blair. Timing, thats all you need say about that monumental prick. There you go Gordon, as he handed over the reins to his second in command, calmly sailing off into the sunset with a lucrative lecture tour in the US, presumably to deliver a master class in how to fuck up a country and get away with it while leaving someone else to take the flak. Words dont fail me, its just hard to know where to begin. The Millennium Dome wouldnt be a bad place to start just to get a taster for what was to follow, a supposed showcase for our country to the world. The people didnt want their money wasted on it, but he carried on with it regardless, and then blamed its failure on the fact that no one went to it. Surprise, surprise, the people that didnt want the bloody thing in the first place wouldnt go and pay to see it, so its our fault, right oh Tony.
9/11, T.Bs chance to hog some international limelight, standing shoulder to shoulder with the biggest prick ever to take the helm of the USA, not in my name you werent mate. Totally off his own back he allies our nation with a village idiot against an unknown enemy, and ends up taking our country to an illegal war against a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11, and so begins the muslim worlds hatred of us too. Thanks TB. No one suffers the effects of Bush and Blairs mindless war more than the Iraqi people of course, and I cant even imagine a time when they wouldnt hate us all as a result. At one point Bush even dared to liken himself to Churchill, unbelievable, the only bloke hed bear comparison to would be Churchills opposite number with the dodgy moustache.
Closer to home we have the continued dumbing down of our education, coupled with the university tuition fees, allowing ever more halfwits to put themselves in penury before theyve even had a job, eventually leaving the education system after a four year party with their worthless degrees in media or art and debt running into tens of thousands, yet ill equipped to gain any more useful employment than serving behind a Mac Donalds counter for minimum wage.
And a health service, once the envy of the world, but now a breeding ground for some of the most lethal bugs known to man, while more and more money is poured into administration, less and less into actual medical staffing. Outsourcing of contracts to cleaning companies with no more interest than to get the best financial return for the least possible outlay, it all just makes you want to spit!
Among all this we have the travesty of human rights, which puts the rights of the perpetrator above the duty of care to the victim. Youll have no luck expecting a response from our constabulary if your house is being broken into, but if you tell them you have a gun and are about to shoot the criminal, theyll be there in a heartbeat to arrest you. Or the spineless hobby bobbies that refused to save a drowning child, citing health and safety regulations, every week seems to bring more mind numbing indictments of the society this land has descended to.